Before we had a baby, I was under the impression that they were pretty much just blobs that you tried your damnedest to keep alive. Then, around 18 months, they magically transformed into tiny little replicas of yourself, ready and eager to do your bidding. I really had no idea that there would be so much interaction in the first year.
The little dude hit the big one-oh last week and in the last few months, he has been entrenched in a battle with our home and it’s contents. Sometimes, the house gets the better of him (see 5 Seemingly Innocent Household Items That Are Trying to Destroy my Baby) and sometimes he leaves a wake of destruction that is both impressive in it’s scope and amazing in it’s efficiency.
He tends to focus his attacks on specific areas of each room in the house. After spending his first months conducting reconnaissance, I believe that he has discovered the spots that can cause the most havoc in the least amount of time. Here are some of them:
The TV Area
I need this, and this, and this, and this. Oh, and I have no idea what this is but I most definitely need it.
We have attempted to harness the size of our sectional and the containment of a baby gate to keep one of the little man’s play areas into a manageable rectangle. As of this point it has a 0.00% success rate as he just shoves the gate out of the way and goes about his nefarious deeds. When he does decide to humor us and stay put, he always unloads each and every item from his basket.
I will play with this but I shall not destroy it, because I have a suspicion that it is integral to the production of cookies.
Making dinner while trying to keep a baby intact is a special challenge that I recommend for everyone to partake in. We try to rotate the actual toys in the kitchen to keep things fresh and to keep him interested, but apparently, nothing beats the siren song that emanates from kitchen cabinets. I’ve baby-proofed the cabinet that contains all of the dangerous stuff, but was hoping that I could get away without doing all of them. This is because baby-proofed cabinets are more annoying than listening to “All About That Bass.” Very loud and on repeat.
The bathroom is known by parents the world over as the great respite. It is the 5 to 10 minute vacation paradise where you get to relax for a few minutes and catch up on internet-y things while, umm, shedding a pound or two. At least, this is what I’ve heard. When you’re alone with a baby, you have no choice but to bring the little dude along for the ride and this means entertaining the chap so that you can partake in your most private and personal matters. Luckily for him, there are cabinets in the bathroom and they emit a siren song very similar to the one from the kitchen cabinets.
The Living Room
It looks like someone went all in during the sudoku craze of 2006.
Cabinets are a recurring excavation site for our treasure hunting tater tot, and while he’ll happily remove all of the contents from a shelf or basket, it is the mystery of the unknown that seems to drive the little dude. The living room cabinet is his favorite because it is stocked full of items that are easily displaced by little hands. Hands that haven’t quite mastered the gentle art of dexterity and a brain that is still working out the basics of hand-eye coordination.
So What’s the Solution?
Static cling is a real bitch.
What do you do with a 10 month old who likes to take everything out from everywhere? You trick him into doing your laundry, of course. He’s got the unloading down and even gets over 50% of the items into the basket (that’s better than I can do). The next step is to teach him how to sort and fold. After that, he will commence in doing my bidding, and we will take over the world.