I, like most people, usually use social media for evil. Things like blatant self-promotion, stalking potential employers or wasting time that could be used to make the world a better place. You know, your standard, basic everyday online fun.
So imagine my surprise when I figured out that I could actually use a site like Twitter for positive research. A portal into my future as a dad – a virtual DeLorean if you will. My very own Twitter time machine!
I did some searches using popular dad hashtags and here are some of the wee golden nuggets of future knowledge that I gleaned:
Watching My Little Pony with Elena…and my wife thinks I don't make any sacrifices when it comes to television viewing. #sahd
— Austin Eich (@Eich_AJ) April 5, 2014
This is actually a big concern that I’ve had since before we decided to get pregnant. What terrible, awful, terrible, horrendous, terrible television shows will I be forced to sit through over and over and over again? For every awesome show like SpongeBob SquarePants and Phineas and Ferb, there are, like, 274 awful shows like Dora the Explorer (or is it Explora?), The Wiggles and Calliou. Sadly, I am quite sure that there are even worse shows that I do not yet know about lurking in the bowels of Qubo, Disney Junior and Nickelodeon. What the hell am I in for?
Never thought I'd have to enforce a "no jumping jacks while peeing" rule… #fatherhood
— Ray Sir (@Ray_Sir) April 5, 2014
If you’ve read a few of these posts (thanks!) you may have noticed a few subtle (very subtle!) references to fecal matter. Actually a quick search tells me that way more than half the posts and all of the pages contain that word. Hmmm, that can’t possibly be right. Anyways, at this point the poop doesn’t really stink so it’s not a big deal. But when it does? Oh boy.
So school mornings I'm waking my kids up who r sleeping like logs…..BUT weekends come round and they're up at 6am playing together. #sahd
— Brian (@BigDaddyPedals) April 5, 2014
Another deep fear of mine. I love sleeping in so much and I just know that my little bag of farts (I say that lovingly) will be an early riser. Let me clarify this point a little more… To me, 8AM is EARLY.
It’s not all bad though! The Twitter Time Machine led me to this tweet:
— Dad or Alive (@dad_or_alive) March 31, 2014
Which brought me to the Instagram Time Machine where I found this:
I can’t wait for my little man to enjoy story time. When he gets to the age where a few words and an illustration can instantly transport him to a magical place. When he first learns that imagination can be the most valuable tool he possesses. A few hardships like terrible television, peeing everywhere and waking up too early will be swept away the first time Popeye learns to dream.